im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
