So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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