I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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