i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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