I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
