OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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