Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
