I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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