It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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