theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He did a backflip because drugs
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