dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
