hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
