I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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