He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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