Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
