Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize