Whod you bang
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
