im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
