Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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