Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
