How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
