i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
