A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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