70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
