you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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