I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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