So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
