Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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