Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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