my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
