im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
PANTIES FOUND
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