Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
