I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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