Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
