I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bring me that man meat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
