Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

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(903): View more from Texas

I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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(804): View more from Virginia

He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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(646): View more from New York

It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.

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(706): View more from Georgia

It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment

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(519): View more from Ontario

I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.

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(519): View more from Ontario

We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.

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