bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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