I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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