you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
