your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
