I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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