i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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