I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
