Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
