dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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