We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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