I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
