sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
