Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
