So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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