i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
