No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
