Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
