I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
