why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
