So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we're making bets on your personal life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
