thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
