you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
