Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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