if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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