I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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