Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
