and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
