i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
