Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
