i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
