Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
