don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
