my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dick very happy bro
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
