She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
