I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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