Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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