pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
