I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
