take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
