I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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