I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
