When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
