Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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