i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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