I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
