Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
