Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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