someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
