soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
